I started this website to understand what the hell is not okay with me.
I just started off with one aspect of my soul which I was suppressing.
I suppressed the desire to write.
I couldn’t write for this Website, which by all means is just how I want to fulfil my desire.
And I think to my self…
1. Why I would be resistant to write a post that is against my own self desires?
2. Shouldn’t I be happy, willing and motivated to write a post which is really the fulfilment of my dream?
3. Why do I then feel resistant, oppressive and denied?
…What is wrong or not okay?
The Solution is Awareness
The solution is to be aware of who these thoughts come from! I found my mother’s thoughts were rambling in my head.
It happens that I have grown up in a home where my mother was neglected as a child and she taught her programme. Now an independent man I find myself neglecting myself.
I do it by denying my wishes, denying my wants and desires. I neglect my self by avoiding and quite refusing to achieve my dreams. Maybe because I feel undeserving.
Look, this is an Illusion for myself. A group of thoughts that have been working for a long period in my life. I have realised this pattern and can give it a path to clear myself from these thoughts that are not mine.
So it happens that I auto-rejected myself not because I wanted to but because I have learned how to perform this routine automatic and unconsciously.
I am grateful for being now aware of the reason I reject my self.
A natural thoughts would be I love to achieve my wishes and desires
It is always better to know the true and start to release the pain for self healing.
Self journey is nothing more than finding the organic thoughts, those come from soul.